It was in Venice where I first noticed him, in the
noisy crowd gathered around a fire juggler. A tall, slim man, in an unusual Plague
Doctor mask, red adorned with gold, golden hair cropped short, no brim hat, no
long overcoat. Just red nobleman clothes from another time. Renaissance,
perhaps. Sheets of fire danced over the dark, stale water of the canaletto, cries and foolish laughter mixing
with Vivaldi’s violins. He stood among the crowd, and yet apart. The gold on
his clothes seemed real. The fire and his red cape reflected in his eyes. He
watched me, as if he could see more than my eyes behind my brilliant larva mask, underneath my elaborate dress.
As if he knew why I sought the night mostly. As if he could see all of my
secrets.
He left with a woman. A Columbina dressed in green. A random
woman, I thought, as I followed them with my eyes, with a pang in my heart, until
they disappeared into a darkened alley. She wasn’t his match, I was.
I looked for him at the airport in Rome, when I was boarding the plane to Rio.
Why would he have been there? But I
could still feel him. Watching me.
Stupid, stupid, I thought, asking
for another glass of champagne, listening to Alessandro Marcello’s oboes on my
earphones. When I fell asleep, he was in my dream.
In Rio,
I prepared for him. I painted my skin
carefully in gold and green, to match my eyes, my waist-long hair, my scanty
suit, the lavish feathers.
Down in the streets, in the colored
night, I looked for him again, and for the first time I barely took notice of the
wild rhythms of the banda. I danced,
only because the visceral beat allowed for nothing else. The floats, the
glistening bodies, the cries, the lights, all swirled around me, dizzying. So
many faces, all different, all the same. The surdo was beating right in my ribcage, and it annoyed me.
When I saw him on the other side of
the street, I knew he too had been
looking for me. It couldn’t have been a mere coincidence. It was he, I knew it. Taller than the
crowd, and still standing apart. This time, torso bare, lean muscles moving
under smooth skin painted silver, white linen pants tied with a rope around
narrow hips, gold hair, cropped short, a small, bizarre silver mask that made
me think of a cruel jungle god. His beautiful mouth held the hint of a smile.
His eyes glinted in the light of torches. Blue. Or green.
A group of dancers pushed in between
us, with frantic moves, carrying me with them. He was gone by the time I escaped
their wave.
Where was he? How much of a
coincidence was our encounter? Was he a Carnival chaser as I was? Was he
chasing me?
I didn’t notice those men until they
were too close. Until their heat, their smell of caipirinha overwhelmed me. Three of them, no,
five. They had bottles in their hands. They had tambourines and bells to keep
the rhythm of the batucada; those
would have covered my cries even if my mouth hadn’t been too dry. The alley became
darker, narrowed by garbage cans. The street with the lights and the dancing seemed
suddenly, impossibly, far away. I had left my knife in the hotel room.
That’s when I screamed. That’s when something else
happened. A blur. A wind.
It was he. I stared at him. We were standing and those men were lying on
the ground around us. There might have been some blood. I swayed, my knees almost
giving way.
He steadied me, one cool hand digging
into my left arm. His silver mask resembled the Inca Sun god. Maybe he was a god, after all.
For a moment, he looked at me as if
he wanted to say something. But then he was simply gone, swift as lightning.
I didn’t wash my arm that night in
my hotel room. I lied on my side, with the imprint of his hand in the bronze
paint on my skin, and longed for him.
I was in New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Always finished the season in New Orleans.
Where was he? I didn’t see him, didn’t feel
him the whole day. The whole night. Maybe he was still in Rio.
Time to go home. Wait for next
year’s carnivals.
Away from Bourbon Street, people were scarcer; with
the distance, a plaintive tune of jazz was dying slowly, as if that could ever
happen in New Orleans.
It was the sax… the sax always broke my heart.
I didn’t hear his steps, I just saw
him. We stopped, maybe at an arm length from each other.
No masks this time. I knew it was
him. Clad in black, blond hair, face beautiful and savage alike. A prince of
the North. He stood one full head taller than I, and I was tall and wearing the
highest heels. His eyes –I still couldn’t tell if they were blue or green- held
the most unsettling mix of laughter, and promises, and death.
“You were right in Venice,” he said.
“You are my match. I have been
waiting for you. We are both of the night…”
He didn’t try to hide his teeth when
he smiled. His fangs.
But he wasn’t taking. He was asking.
I stepped into his arms.
“Tonight we’ll listen to the music
of your blood,” he whispered on my neck, his breathing cool, soothing. “And
then we’ll have all the nights…”