Saturday, August 28, 2010

Beloved Delusion


I almost got it, yeah,
I almost nailed it, framed it,
encased it in the purest amber,
whatever you want to call it,
preserved it
like the thickest, sweetest
raspberry jam,
yeah, that feeling of absolute joy,
of unconditional optimism,
that tiny sparkle that would
make for a splendid sunny day
or a glorious evening
with no ending in sight
a perpetual spring
a real flower that never withers
a love like a phoenix
a dog that never dies
Mum and Dad always being there
in warm flesh
the voices of my children
always singing and laughing

And then, puff, I lost it

I thought I had devised the method
to recall it at will
to summon it against
the coming darkness
to take just a spoonful of it
and chase away the taste of tears
I thought I was clever
I thought I had the philosopher’s stone

I was wrong

13 comments:

Fireblossom said...

There is so much I love about this, Vesper. I love the real flower that never withers, the dog that never does, the sweet jam...it's a beautiful poem. But it breaks my heart if you are feeling this way. You are such a beautiful soul.

Charles Gramlich said...

Well said. It always seems to me that just when I think I've got it under control I lose it all.

BernardL said...

Yes... and for one fleeting moment you can almost taste it. Even when it passes something sweet remains with us. Very nice.

Akasha Savage. said...

That was lovely Vesper. So many wonderful images. It reminded me of my children slipping from my grasp.
:)

laughingwolf said...

life IS a bitch, at times... but somehow we muddle on, because to give up would deny the wee ones of even the least we can give them :(

Naquillity said...

the memories we gather of family and friends always seem to fade. then the inevitable happens and we can't recall it... the life we once had. very well written. have a great night.

jason evans said...

We're not totally lost if we can still touch that contentment from time to time.

SzélsőFa said...

i'll second those who emphasized that the feeling of being in paradise is able to energize us even if it is lost.
but the feeling of loss is awful anyway.
a lovely poem.
analytical, yet easy.

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

I believe I know this feeling. Just for a fleeting moment all is euphoric...like nothing bad could ever happen and happiness has no bounds. It is a complete feeling of satisfaction, joy, love, wonderment....and then in a few moments it is gone. Not that I go from that feeling to desperation or anything....but the spell is somehow broken. But, I do believe that we all hold the philosopher's stone. We just have to learn how to use it. We have to find out how to make the moment last. Maybe that feeling - lasting forever - is Heaven.

So skillfully done! Fantastic, Vesper!!! You have set me to wondering!!!

Word Verification is SPELL!!!!!!!!!

Karen said...

How I wish we could hold onto that moment, the one that will keep away the coming dark, but life is a series of moments, light and dark and in-between. I think the secret is to have a guiding star to steer by. If we can keep our eyes on that, even when the clouds obscure it, we'll know the spot that it surely shines behind the darkness. If we have faith that it is there, we can steer through the darkness anyway.

You've made me think, too, Vesper.

xoxoxo

Marilyn Brant said...

Oh, Vesper, you've expressed so well this sadness we've all felt and, even more, the regret that we can't just wish it away and replace it with something we know is better. Your poetry is haunting and beautiful.

But one thought: I like to think that if you can call the most joyous moments a "delusion," the darkest ones are, too. They may not be "beloved" but they share that same fleeting quality. Wishing you happier moments in the season ahead {hug}.

Geraldine said...

Oh, if we could only capture and keep all the people, places and times that make life worthwhile. This is so beautifully written Vesper, well done.

Hugs friend, G

www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

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Vesper said...

Shay, thank you for your kind words... Such is life... We long for permanence yet there is not much to be found except inside of us...
xoxoxo

Charles, thank you! You know, I had to write this because, like never before, I thought I had really had ‘it’ under control. When the feeling was gone, it was worse than ever...

Bernard, it’s so nice to see how we think alike... Thank you!

Thank you, Akasha. Yes, we must hold them (but gingerly) while we can...

I know, LW... Thank you, my friend.

Naquillity, thank you for being here and for your kind words.

You’re right, Jason. The key is how to do it...

Thank you, SzélsőFa. Paradise recalled... yes, it’s most of what we have in the end...

Kaye, how well you say it... Yes, this is it, exactly. Thank you, my friend!

Karen, yes, moments... and, thank you, I’ll think of that star... even though it’s so elusive...
xoxoxo

Thank you so much, Marilyn. You see, I called ‘delusion’ not the joyous moments but that particular moment when I thought I could recall all the beautiful ones at will, only to realize that I couldn’t...
Many hugs to you, my friend.

Geraldine, thank you. We need a magical scrapbook of sorts, really magical...
xoxoxo